I’ve been doing lots more thinking about the current situation and talking with the Sous Chef and I’ve come to the conclusion that this is marvellous news that just sounded a bit scary.
Originally, the Sous Chef was going to work for one more year, save for that year and then, with that extra money put a loft extension in (no, I don’t know why, either) and then travel. That was the plan. The change of plan from this redundancy is that he doesn’t work until summer 2010 but that we go Feb 2010 and instead of the extra savings, we take the redundancy money to fund the trip. I also have a small nest egg that will give us enough to get by on for up to year upon our return to Blighty. It’s not enough for a comfortable year but its enough to ward off starvation in the event we can’t find work, which I’m sure we will of some sort.
The more I think about this, the less afraid I get. How many people ever get the chance to do something like this? How many people can just throw everything up in the air and go on an expedition around the world? Now’s the time to do it. Now is the time to do something with that wonderful thing called LIFE before it passes by. I loved the experience of cycling in India. I’m beginning to think The Sous Chef deliberately did that: choosing to go to India just to test my mettle and see whether I can cope with being on the road day in, day out in all that chaos – not to mention whether our relationship could take it.
At the moment our relationship is extremely strong so although it might well test us as a couple, I’m reasonably sure we can weather that. Our relationship started off a bit unstable for the first 6 months (I was insecure. I loved him to pieces but didn’t believe he could possibly love me back). Then I learned to trust him and we’ve been solid ever since. This relationship has changed me. We’ve not been together all that long. It feels like we’ve been together for decades and should be celebrating our silver wedding anniversary, but actually we’ve known each other only four and a half years and have been a couple for three and a half. We’ve been lovebirds all through that and have enormous respect for each other. I often feel this is the best relationship anyone could ever possibly hope to have. How we managed to make it this good is beyond me. Loving each other helps but it has to be more than that. There is something we do, some way we interact that works well for the other person, who then reciprocates. I know I can always rely on him being fair, being reasonable. I am often amazed at how fair and reasonable we can be even on issues we disagree on.
I have learned a lot from him. I’ve learned that it’s ok to have feelings, and that my opinions are worth something (I always used to keep both under wraps). I’ve learned that talking about something bothering you early is better than letting it go round and round your mind. You can build up some pretty hefty misconceptions and false logic given enough time to run in circles. I’ve found myself to have got the wrong end of the stick a few times. Most importantly, I have learned to trust him. My trust had been broken by a previous man and it took a while for me to be completely sure he really is a totally different animal to him. He has never done anything to hurt me nor given me reason to think he would. That trust I have in him (I don’t just mean in fidelity. I trust him to be to kind, to be fair, to be honest, to be there) is one ingredient in the glue that holds us together. I more than love him. I have deep respect for him. I have complete acceptance of him. I don’t think he is perfect but his imperfections are part of the whole package. My heart could not have chosen better.
ok, enough of the sappy stuff. I’d like to set up a website and/or blog to chart our progress, give the concerned friends and rellies a place to check where we are, what we’re doing and how it’s going. Suggestions for names of this blog and/or website would be greatly appreciated.
